Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He felt like a one man threesome
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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