So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
