first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
