I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
