I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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