it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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