she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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