its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
