i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
