you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He passed out mid-signature
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
