So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
