I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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