you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
