i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
