We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
