My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
