my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
