hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
