Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There r osticjed everywhere
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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