but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
