Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
