plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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