i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
