is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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