is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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