I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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