Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
