It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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