Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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