How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
