dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
