On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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