is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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