so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
