Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
