I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
