Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
