I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
