I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Two words: nipple clamps
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