Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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