I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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