is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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