so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, beer. Big fan.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My life is pants optional.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
