rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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