Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
