She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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