did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
