I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
