is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
