Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
