it hurts more in the daytime
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
