that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
