Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
