sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
