Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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