I'm really into asian looking animals
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I want her autograph on my taint
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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