ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
